Another Year Of Newfoundland Questions

Well, it's just the third day of the New Year, and 'Drew and I are exhausted.
With so many humanoids out and about, we've been inundated with the same old
questions. So much so that we are going to comment on some of them so that those of you who have yet to ask them might think twice (or at all) before asking. The following is anything but an inclusive list.

*How is the Newfoundland with children? [Depends on how the child tastes]
*Are they protective of the home and family? [Depends on whether the intruder has cookies]
*What kind of exercise do they need? [More than you are getting]
*Do they eat a lot? [Depends on the size of the child]
*Do they drool? [Depends on whether you look tasty]
*Do they shed? [Is that a toupee?]
*How long do they live? [May we ask this about your child?]
*What health problems are particular to the breed? [Do you mean like the headaches we have right now from stupid questions?]
*Are they just black St. Bernards? [No, we are bears]
*The Newfoundland is in the Working Dog group, why? [Don't ask me]
*Why is the Newfoundland also called the Lifeguard Dog? [I said "don't ask me!"]
*What does the Newfoundland do as a ship dog? [Sleep]
*What draft work did the Newfoundland do? [Must I reiterate the reiteration?]
*What is the Standard for Excellence for the Newfoundland? [Length of drool]
*What is the AKC parent club for the Newfoundland? [NCA@Plonker.org]
*What does the application for NCA membership ask for? [Money]
*What are the Rescue and Regional club contacts? [Kidnappers.com]
*What are the qualifications for judging Newfoundlands? [Being able to endorse a check]
*Where can I read more on Newfoundlands? [This assumes you can read at all]
*How does the color inheritance work in the Newfoundlands? [Luck]
*What about playing roughhouse with the pup? [What about throwing Billy from the train?]
*What about training? [Good in theory]
*What is Lord Byron's poem? [What did you study in school? Jello?]


Sigh,

Satchie