Wednesday, July 23, 2008

A Conversation

(Recorded at the Marina Green, San Francisco)

S: "Don't look at him."

A: "Uh, why not?"

S: "Why not? Here we are, out in the open, and all he wants to do is take pictures of us posing for whatever it is he uses us for. 'What's the point' is the real question."

A: "So what should I do?"

S: "Plonker! Look up in the air as if you're distracted. That will really piss him off."

A: "Hey, I see a bird."

S: "Jesus, will you get a clue. The point is to act as if you are completely disinterested and irritated."

A: "But I like it out here."

S: "You like it everwhere. You need to create boundaries with him, learn how to manipulate him, and instill guilt in him. Didn't you read my training tips?"

A: "Uh. I dunno. So you mean if we look sad he'll take us to the beach?"

S: "Whoa! That's the last place we want to go. One, I don't swim, and two, it would mean refurbishing. The beach is almost as bad as the show ring for dog's sake."

A: "But we're Newfies -- it's our job to save people and stuff."

S: "Oh, young one, you have so much to learn. If they go into the water and can't cope, it's called 'assumption of risk'. Keep looking up."

A: "So what do you want to do?"

S: "Four years and I'm not sure. But if another tourist asks me about my feet, my weight, how much I eat, whether I shed, how much I drool, and all the other usual stuff, I'm going to bear my teeth."

A: "Scoldy Boy!"

S: "You got that right!"

A: "What's for dinner?"

S: "Food unfit for a dog. Just keep looking up. He's fuming. Our work is almost done."


Hummer said...

Hey, it can't be that bad... you are a legend in your own time..... humor the man.... he loves you... why do I know that? I'm sensitive to that sort of thing... I am, any way you slice it, a Newfoundland. Let him take your picture, revel in it.... you are the most beautiful dog on the planet... what do you want, man, a movie contract???? If we were smart, we would make a movie about the Newfoundland... people would eat-it-up.... we represent everything that they want, .. beauty, love, power, glamour, cuddling to the max...!!! What, you don't care? You just want to lay down in the shade and dream about your next meal? OK, I understand.......

Satchie said...

Hummer --

We'll talk at Dixon in just a bit.


Gizmosav said...

Hey Satch,
You shouldn't be so hard on your dad, humour him, he's the greatest! Besides he sends the pictures to us!!!


JB said...



Nessa said...

bwahahahahahaha! Pooka could use some pointers when you have a minute Satch!

Flanaghan the Newfie said...

Its' hard for me to keep my head up that long -- good job, guys.