Saturday, October 27, 2007

Karazan Paris, The Breed Standard

"Beauty without vanity, courage without ferocity, strength without insolence, and all the virtues of Man without his vices."

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Sometimes It's Hard To Be A Newfie

Well, to say I am disappointed about today is a significant understatement.
Dad takes the day off, only to give me and 'Drew a less than Newfworthy outing.
Then, we spent the rest of the day getting refurbished for a nice, hot, long drive up to some Dog-forsaken place where people I don't even know will grab my tail and unmentionables. Then, we'll get stuck in crates while the humans gather to sit around and talk gibberish. It all brings a song to mind.

Sometimes It's Hard To Be A Newfie (An Original Score)

"Sometimes its hard to be a Newfie
Giving all your love to just one dudeski
You'll have bad times (tell me 'bout it)
And he'll have good times (not enough)
Doing things that you don't understand (how true)
But if you love him you'll forgive him (NOT)
Even though he's hard to understand (tell me 'bout it)
And if you love him (ha)
Oh be proud of him (he he)
'Cause after all he's just a man (I know)
Stand by your man (I'd rather sit)
Give him two arms to cling to (he has his own)
And something warm to come to (cold water?)
When nights are cold and lonely (maybe for him)
Stand by your man (or let him be lonely)
And tell the world you love him (que lastima)
Keep giving all the love you can (NOT)
Stand by your man (you kiddin?)
And show the world you love him (concealing the truth)
Keep giving all the love you can (NOT)
Stand by your man (not when he tells me to sit)
(But still sometimes it's hard to be a Newfie.)"


Sunday, October 21, 2007

Get A Headstart On The Holidays

Okay, we know all you Newf people (and even non-Newf people) will be looking for that favorite Christmas (er, Holiday) card soon, and here at Giz-Satch Company, we are making this one time offer of an absolutely beautiful Newfie (Gizzy, of course) set in breath taking Canadian snow. (No need to go to Costco, Phyllis -- you're saving Alan so much money there that he'll be a billionaire in no time.)
While we're offering the card for free, donations will be graciously accepted.
Just send along a comment and we'll let you know where to send your hard earned money. (If you've inherited it, furrget about it -- pay up!)

We are confident you will not find a more beautiful picture for your holiday cards, so much so that we will refund your donations in full upon proof of anything better. (This offer is void in the United States or Canada.)


CS Rep. Andrew

Saturday, October 20, 2007

I Had A Dream Last Night

We ran into one of Big Jack's sisters yesterday -- she was also big and beautiful.
Dad just about lost it, going from elation to sadness in a moment.
Then, last night, I dreamed the dream I have had so many times since Jack went to the Big Sea. It's best put by someone else and is called "The Wild, Wild Sea":

"I saw it again this evening,
Black sail in a pale yellow sky
And just as before in a moment,
It was gone where the grey gulls fly
If it happens again I shall worry
That only a strange ship could fly
And my sanity scans the horizon
In the light of the darkening sky.

That night, as I walked in my slumber
I waded into the sea strand
And I swam with the moon and her lover
Until I lost sight of the land
I swam till the night became morning
Black sail in a reddening sky
Found myself on the deck of a rolling ship
So far where no grey gulls fly

All around me was silence
As if mocking my frail human hopes
And a question mark hung in the canvas
For the wind that had died in the ropes
I may have slept for an hour
I may have slept for a day
For I woke in a bed of white linen
And the sky was the colour of clay.

At first, just a rustle of canvas
And the gentlest breath on my face
But a galloping line of white horses
Said that soon we were in for a race
Tthe gentle sigh turned to a howling
And the grey sky, she angered to black
And my anxious eyes searched the horizon
With the gathering sea at my back

Did I see the shade of a sailor
On the bridge, through the wheel-house pane
Held fast to the wheel of the rocking ship
As I squinted my eyes in the rain?

For the ship had turned into the wind
Against the storm to brace
And underneath the sailor's hat
I saw my father's face

If a prayer today is spoken
Please offer it for me
When the bridge to heaven is broken
And you're lost on the wild, wild sea
And you're lost on the wild, wild sea."


Thursday, October 18, 2007

I Love Andrew

"Every time I look down on this timeless town
whether blue or gray be her skies.
Whether loud be her cheers or soft be her tears,
more and more do I realize:

I love Andrew in the springtime.
I love Andrew in the fall.
I love Andrew in the winter when it drizzles,
I love Andrew in the summer when it sizzles.

I love Andrew every moment,
every moment of the year.
I love Andrew, why, oh why do I love Andrew?
Because my best friend is near."

* * * * * * * *

Okay, I took a little poetic license.
So sue me!! Aunt Jill will protect me.


(Hey Paris, don't beat me up next weekend.)

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Of Men and Dogs, Part III

Well, it happened again.
'Drew and I were out for a nice long walk when we ran across a guy on his bike.
He made a comment about how we were taking up most of the path.
Hello, we're Newfies!!!!! We need space. And poor Andrew; he's just all over the place.
Anyway, this jerk decided he was going to impart some wisdom about how humans are superior to dogs and, therefore (a continuation of his deluded logic), Man makes the rules and animals must abide by them.
Now, there's alot I can say on the subject, such as "who has ruined the earth" and "who wages war" and "who breaks the law everyday?" (Can ya see I'm just a bit miffed?)
But, in the end, it was best said by Lord Byron of his beloved Newfie, "Boatswain"

* * * * * * * * * *


"When some proud son of man returns to earth,
Unknown to glory, but upheld by birth,
The sculptor's art exhausts the pomp of woe,
And storied urns record who rest below.
When all is done, upon the tomb is seen,
Not what he was, but what he should have been.

But the poor dog, in life the firmest friend,
The first to welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose honest heart is still his master's own,
Who labours, fights, lives, breathes for him alone,
Unhonour'd falls, unnoticed all his worth,
Denied in heaven the soul he held on earth.
While man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven.
Oh man! thou feeble tenant of an hour,
Debased by slavery, or corrupt by power,
Who knows thee well must quit thee with disgust,
Degraded mass of animated dust!
Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat,
Thy smiles hypocrisy, thy words deceit!
By nature vile, ennobled but by name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
Ye! who perchance behold this simple urn,
Pass on --- it honours none you wish to mourn.
To mark a friend's remains these stones arise;
I never knew but one, --- and here he lies."

* * * * * * * * * * *

All you player haters out there, give that some thought! (This, of course, assumes the exitence of a rational thought process.) I'm not saying all people are bad, but there's enought riff-raff out there to give them all a bad name. As Dad puts it, "they're not dogs, they're Newfies!" We could save the guy's life, for Dog's sake! (Okay, Jack would and Gizzy would. I might just opt to remain a hangashore if the guy was in the drink.)

Satchel (the Rage) Paige.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

For Gizmo

Me and 'Drew had a great day today -- we met Gizmo's parents, Doug & Cindy!!
Here's a picture of Gizzy. Que bella Terranova, eh?

Now we know why Gizzy is such a sweetheart -- he has absolutely fantastic parents.
They are real Newf people -- that's the highest compliment we know.
And, we really want to thank them for bringing us fresh Salmon -- yum, yum, yum.
I'm just salivating over dinner.

We're going to plan a trip up to Canada to visit them.

Gizzy, we love your parents and they'll be back home real soon.


Satchel & Andrew

P.S. We even ran into a 17 month Landseer girl at the dog park. What a day!
(Today's joke: what's black and white and black and white and black and white? A Landseer rolling down a hill! Hello? More silence. Anyone out there? This silence is not very golden!)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Okay, I Was Just Kidding

Alright, with my conscience as my guide, I must admit I was just joking.

It wasn't me in yesterday's picture but, in theory, it could have been me.

And I was at the beach, just not in the water -- I would have been (okay, could have been) but I had just been refurbished for a molestation-show in a couple of weeks. I can't even get my feet wet and I love doing that. Really!

So I am compelled by counsel to say I "apologize for any inconvenience caused to anyone."


Kz. Satchel.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Satchie Saves The Day

They said I couldn't do it.
They said it couldn't be done.
But take a look at the picture.
Just look what the heck I've done.

I'm really not one for bragging.
I'm actually quite discreet.
But I'm tired of being scolded.
For not using my webbed feet.

So kindly send your apologies.
And trust that I forgive.
For one day when you're drowning.
I might just help you live.

Lord Satchel.

Monday, October 8, 2007

Thanks For Your Support

Well, I made it out of jail without much trauma.
So today, I get to just be a hangashore -- if Dad doesn't like, ruff-luck.
I do want to thank all of your who provided support during my difficult stay -- which consists of no one other than my buddy Gizmo.
I think Andrew even enjoyed his time alone, so the youth will feel the scorn of my scoldiness for at least a day. It's just too bad that Newfies can't hold grudges -- something about my jeans. Speaking of which, I may just crew up Dad's today.

(Okay, today's joke [heard it in jail]: "how do you tell the sex of a chromosone?" "Pull down its jeans!" Get it? It's kinda quiet out there. Hello. Anyone there? Nothing but silence on this end? Heck with it. The truly gifted artists were never appreciated until long after they passed.)


P.S. Congrats to Karazan Bristol for BOW at Roseville!

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Grandma -- One Last Goodbye

"Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush, of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there, I did not die."

Friday, October 5, 2007

Satchie's Prison Break

Great news -- Satchel has finally demonstrated some talent other than being a pretty boy.

Seems that while the Blue Angels ("Angels"????) were flying all around today, the guards got distracted and he tunneled his way out of jail. He made off with some prison food just to demonstrate how cruel and unusual is its taste. He even managed to find his way home which, to some degree, undermines our long-held belief that he'd leave with anyone. Look at the pathetic boy after hitching a ride back.

So now we have a talented digger, and he'll have something to do at the beach while the other dogs swim.

We gave him a full refurbishing and he's resting comfortably after his big ordeal (can you rest uncomfortably?).

Thanks for all your support.

Andrew & Co.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Free Satchie, Part II

We are sad to announce that Satchel has not been able to muster bail.
His request for a speedy trial is under submission.

We did have time to visit him today in the outdoor portion of the facility, but he has been muzzled and burdened with an ankle tag. (Can't say the muzzling part is all that bad.)

We will keep you updated.

Andrew & Co.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Free Satchie!

They've given me one phone call, so here it is.

Today, 'Drew and I took a buddy (Baylo) to Muir Beach for some fun in the sun.
Now, mind you, this beach is off-leash -- there's no debate about that.
But we kinda went near this wading pool over which there is a debate, although there's nothing there that is threatened or endangered. Instead, the National Park Service calls it "Sensitive Habitat" which, according to my attorney, has no legal meaning at all. They just make this nonsense up as they go along.

So, some bird watchers (what's the point) call the Rangers and this doofus comes out in his SUV on the beach (uh, "sensitive" habitat?) and tries to ticket Dad. Dad tells him to go do something, and the guy sends me to jail. Baylo gets off because he's only 10 months and Andrew gets off because of his diminished capacity. What's the deal? These Rangers are part of Homeland Security now and, as a wise man said, are "supposed to be protecting us against terrorists, not terriers".

Okay, I sat on his foot, but big deal. It's not like I did anything else on his foot. It's not even a moving violation but, here I sit in jail without anything even resembling dog food.

I need something called "bail". Dad says it's a good lesson and Andrew doesn't even know what money is. HELP! FREE FREE, SET ME FREE.